JOKE 1: Deaf Genie
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.
The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high, and he sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and this time pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he placed in front
of the piano.
The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart.
"Where on earth did you get him?" Says the bartender.
The man responded by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: "Here Rub it."
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke, then a beautiful blonde genie is standing before him. "I will grant you one wish. Just one wish ... each person is only allowed one!"
The bartender got real excited. Without hesitating he said, "I want a million bucks!"
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they kept coming.
The bartender turns to the man and says, "Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
"I know," says the man, "do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"
Joke 2: Someone really stinks
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"
Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"
The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make."
And she says, "So have I, love."
To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks."
